Sex, Sensei, sex!
by Visual Kei-S
Summary: Kakashi only wanted to teach his students Sex Education. That's all. And it evolved. It went from his simple lecherous teaching to a must-be-taught in the school curriculum. And now how will all the other teachers teach Sex Education to their own teams?
1. Fetish, sensei!

**WARNING: **This first chapter is mainly YAOI. MalexMale. Don't like? Skip this!

**Case**: Made this fic up while listening to our Trigonometry teacher. Man, I was bored to death and so this came to life! Integers suck and YAOI rules!

**DISCLAIMER**: I own nothing.

**Title**: Fetish, sensei!

**Chapter**: One

**Rating**: M

"**Team Kakashi: Fetish, sensei!"**

Three pairs of eyes looked at Kakashi with mild interest that sunny afternoon. He liked the attention his students, namely Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura, gave him. In fact he _loved_ it. It made him feel sure that he's doing the right thing which is to explain the things that normal parents find unexplainable and corruptive. But _really_? Sex education is corruptive? Kakashi thinks otherwise. Why, with the proper way of teaching and a proper teacher, of course like him, teaching it, there is no corruptive_ness_ in that. Well, at least for his case, anyway.

So then, before the two boys of his team eat each other_, literally_, he decided to begin.

"Kids-"

"Nah, Kakashi-sensei! How can you call us kids when we're already sixteen?" Naruto protested as if it's in his reflexes to interrupt someone whenever they talk. This earned Naruto a _forced_ stern look from his teacher which he became oblivious of. Like always.

"Now, Naruto," Kakashi said, "That is exactly why I called everyone here. We _need_ to talk about something important regarding you being an _adolescent_."

That caught the blonde's interest.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Hn." That was Sasuke, of course who has no interest, seemingly, in almost everything.

"Okay then," Kakashi said, folding his arms over his chest in his usual way. He scanned the three students of his with his eye, yes, _eye_, for one is covered by the forehead protector, and stopped his stare at Sakura, "Sakura."

The said girl looked at her teacher warily, quite annoyed by him calling on her that made her have to pry her eyes off Sasuke to whom she was just staring at as for the current.

"I presume you already have your…let's say it bluntly, shall we? Menstruation?"

This made Sakura almost fall out of balance. She blushed. What the hell is Kakashi thinking, asking her that? How dare he? Does he not know that it is a taboo for a male to ask a female about what is going on in her reproductive system? And with such brusqueness, too! Well! Excuse her!

"Kakashi-sensei!"

She gaped as a pair of blue and black eyes looks at her. She sputtered incoherent words that neither if the two young males understood as a sign of protest.

"I believe your sputtering is a _yes_, Sakura. That also mean we should really learn about _this_. You could get pregnant, you know." Kakashi implied, nodding so casually. And with that, Sakura wanted to kill him. If looks could kill.

"What the hell are you trying to say, Kakashi-sensei?" annoyed and impatient by the way his teacher drawled, making him more curious at this '_this_' which Kakashi speak of, Naruto scowled and leaned forward to the amused Kakashi.

"Well, you see, we are going to discuss about the… urges and desires that you will have…or already _had_."

"Oh, you mean _sex_?" was all Naruto can imply with all the bluntness in the world.

Oh how liberated young people are these days! To say _that_ word so freely! Kakashi was glad. He glanced at Sasuke and he could have sworn he saw him blush. _Blush_! How cute.

"Very correct, Naruto." Was what he said as he returned his head to the angle where he faced Naruto again and let Sasuke blush on his own.

"What about it?"

"You, I suppose, knows what sex is."

There were nods.

Kakashi smiled knowingly.

"It is when the penis enters the vagin-".

"Or when the penis enters the mouth, _anu_-"

"Naruto, we are not talking _gay_ here but you are right."

"Oh."

"So then, when the pen-"

"Kakashi-sensei, what is bondage? Since we are talking about this anyway…"

"Oh, why Naruto! Bon-"

"Shut up, idiot!" Sasuke spoke, rather,_ hissed_, for the first time, glaring at Naruto. If looks could really kill, the blonde would have been dead and buried right now.

"Sasuke!" The elder man tried to scold the Uchiha, "Do you not know that it is impolite for you to speak when others are having conversations? And what's with you?" Now, it was Kakashi who would have been dead by Sasuke's look.

Naruto scowled once more and the only girl, Sakura, could feel a different shade of aura from the three males. What are they talking about? Damn it. She wanted to faint - why Sasuke, why?- because of the sheer weirdness of what was happening. Sasuke! Naruto! _Gays_! She could feel it. Time to interfere.

"Now, wait, Naruto, Kakashi-sensei, stop-"

"Sakura." Kakashi cut through her words, as if he was not just explaining that it was not nice to interrupt someone when they are talking. He had a glint of perverted_ness _in his eyes, no doubt. Ah, Kakashi-sensei! "You also need to learn about this for your future, Sakura!"

"But-"

"Now, Naruto, bondage is… how can we say this?" Kakashi reached for his chin and scratched it looking wise, thinking. "I think it's-Oh yes! Iruka-sensei and I once did it for a change of course! I tied him with a-"

"You mean you _tie_ people up?" Naruto asked, bewildered. It was their hobby to cut off Kakashi every now and then, so it seems.

"Well, yeah, with cuffs and leather-"

"Oh my fuck, Sasuke!" Naruto's attention from Kakashi diverted to the said boy. Naruto looked as if he's flared up. Well, he _was_ flared up. Totally. He pointed an accusing finger at the now sulking Sasuke, a very _rare_ sight. He said through gritted teeth, "And so you want to tie me up, eh?"

Sakura fainted. Kakashi grinned under his mask but it's still obvious. Actually, he was snickering.

"Shut the fuck up!" Sasuke retorted, having the look on his face that is as if he's pouting.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto looked back at his teacher, eyes pleading but still angry, "I heard Sasuke talk to someone over the phone and he said that we will have a bondage session. I thought it was a friendly _bonding_ between us but I saw this different glint in his eyes that made me curious. And so he wants to _tie_ me up!"

"Well, Naruto-"

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto is being unfair! He always asks me to be covered in smoothie first before he does foreplay!" Sasuke protested, madly, "Covered in smoothie, imagine that!"

There was a rather awkward silence. Kakashi's eye was exaggeratedly big as he pivoted his head to face the blonde, "Now, really, Naruto?"

Naruto threw a hot glare at the Uchiha, "Hey! Bastard! You like it and you said so before!" He gritted his teeth, "You like it when I lick you like that, you!"

"That's because _you_ told me to tell _you_ that _I_ like it because if not, I would have to live without foreplay!"

"But that's because you told me that if I am going to eat, even _touch_, a single ramen, I will be the bottom for months! _Months_, damn it!"

"But!"

Now, the rather educational, as Kakashi likes to put it that way, turned into a rather spill-the-beans contest in which the two young boys tried to complain about each other's fetishes and kinkiness. Really! These two young hot males can never stop arguing even with _those_ kinds of things! Ah! To be young!

Kakashi's eyes glinted in between the two's hollering. If this is what turns out of what might be sex education, by all means, he's up to it for the coming more generations!

_Finite _


	2. Innocence!

**Warning: **Hints of incest (NejiHina) but then, it is okay, I guess. O(A)O

**Case**: Let's play with Team 8 now, shall we?

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not even have money to buy new sneakers!

**Title**: Innocence!

**Chapter**: Two

**Rating**: M

"**Team Kurenai: Innocence!"**

Kurenai fidgeted nervously as her three ninja students, and of course a dog, came into view from where she was standing. It was a breezy afternoon and she's just got back from a mission. That mission, like any other, was as easy as crap, just the exact opposite of what she is about to do now. She's totally brain-dead.

Kiba sat first in front of his sensei, a wide and eager grin playing his fanged lips as he focused his attention on Akamaru, waiting for his teammates to cope up. Shino did. In utter silence. And all he did was lean on a tree, typical Shino-like attitude. Hinata then came with a short gasp and taints of blush on her cheeks. She then sat beside Kiba as Kiba stared at her, in awe, thinking how girls can be so awfully cute. How come he only noticed this now?

Without much enthusiasm, Kurenai clapped her hands together twice to catch the attention of her students to which when she did, she felt herself blush to their questioning eyes.

"Kurenai-sensei." Hinata said, regarding to the teacher as to show her she's listening.

"Yes, well," This time, like no any other time, as much as its hard to do, Kurenai tried to pick her words correctly. Damn Kakashi! Yes, it was he who convinced Kurenai that 'a proper sex education is a proper way to educate youngsters to be mature' and after hearing his experience with his own team, he convinced her to do the same. Well, yeah, actually, Kakashi… Let's just say he _forged_ a little info for Kurenai to be convinced. Like, saying Sakura would never let _even_ Sasuke touch her from now on! This is actually not true since Sasuke rather wanted to _more than touch_ Naruto...

"Kids, I, uhh… have some important lesson to tell you in which for your future, might do you good to have knowledge of it." Or, well, according to Kakashi, she added in her mind.

"Okay! Is it a new technique?" Kiba pumped a fist in the air, thinking what new technique their Kurenai-sensei would be teaching them.

"N-no… well… _technique_ really is…" The teacher blushed.

How can a pun come out? Technique! Not in this sense! No, not _ever_! Not for her students, anyway.

"Oooh! Maybe… Maybe you're… are you pregnant, Kurenai-sensei?" This, of course, came from Kiba again; an apathetic and indifferent look on his face.

Almost falling off her stance, the said teacher could've sworn that she could die right now. Oh yes, she could've sworn.

"No!"

"Oh, good, 'cos talking about how a girl becomes pregnant is disgusting," Kiba said as he slumped to lean on a tree to rest his self where Hinata was fainted upon to.

"Ki-K-Kiba…" She'd stutter, very embarrassed on how rowdy and outspoken her team mate is. Talk about being insensitive! And as usual, Shino made no comment, just pushing his pair of sunglasses higher on the bridge of his nose, whatever he's thinking of.

Kurenai sighed. As expected.

"That is _exactly_ it, Kiba."

"Oh, sure, okay…What the fuck?" The words of which Kiba said sounded like a reply to someone who told him his dick is small. Awed and flabbergasted, certainly.

A beam lighted from Shino's black glasses as he, ever so slowly, showed the _tiniest_ bit of interest he has, "Intriguing."

Kurenai wanted to die.

Kiba wanted someone to tell him what was really going on.

Shino remained silent and what he wanted to do was unknown.

Hinata… well, let's just say she was developing a haemorrhage.

"Yes, you… we… you will learn about sex" Kurenai looked away, blushing herself mad. Very humiliating, indeed. How in hell's name could she corrupt her three students mind? Sure, according to Hatake Kakashi, this would be _good_ for them, but hell, it was crap for_ her_ to explain.

"Why do I need to learn this shit?" Kiba said, giving a scornful look, as he looked at Akamaru and the dog barked as if he understood.

"K-Kiba…" Hinata bit her lip. She does not know what to do. Yes, sure, she wants to have this _so called_ sex education but oh, dear! Not with Kiba and Shino, too!

"Well, I've seen my bugs mate."

There was a complete and utter silence. A very deafening and awkward silence, that is. Kurenai, Hinata and Kiba looked at Shino with pure abashment on their faces. Clearly, they were all quite disturbed.

"You watch your insects mate???" Kiba cried, giving a look that might scream _idiot!_ to anyone it's been flashed at.

Shino nodded silently, casually, as if watching insects mate was really ordinary. Well, who knows? Maybe for Shino, it was.

Kurenai tried to suppress her shocked emotion, Hinata fainted once more, and Kiba just mutterd, "Man, I just hate to be one of your bugs."

Another silence.

And Kurenai broke it with a hoarse cough, "Okay, well…" she looked at Hinata who regained her consciousness, "Sex is an act of _making love_ to someone you love… by means of…" the teacher racked her brain for the appropriate words to not let the children in front of her think wrongly of sex, "…physical pleasuring."

"How the hell could I give that physical pleasuring Kurenai-sensei?" Kiba asked. Was he in some ranting mood today.

"Well," Kurenai slowly drawled, thinking that if this is over, she can die, "the man puts his '_thing_' inside a woman he loves…"

Hinata froze. Shino did nothing. Kiba looked freaked out, "What? Why the hell would I want to put my dick inside a woman??? That's stupid, I'd get _stuck_!"

"What?" the two females of the team said in unison as Shino just looked at Kiba.

"Well, the dogs at home, when they do _it_, they get stuck together-" And he said Shino's weird for watching his bugs mate. Pot calling the kettle black.

"Kiba, you are not a dog."

"What difference does it make?"

"Yours won't get stuck!"

"It won't?"

"It won't!"

"Phew, good news to me!" And Kiba's harshness faded away as he grinned for himself in contentment.

"Yes, so-"

"Kurenai-sensei should I have s-se-sex with N-Neji-niisan, then?" Hinata intoned, "He said that making love is stupid (as expected from Neji.). But father said I should learn to love him since… we… we… errr, we will have to marry soon."

"What?" now one female and a male in their team cried in unison as Shino's head pivoted to face Hinata.

"Well, y-you did say it's for s... someone you _love_ and…"

"Oh gosh, Hinata, I didn't know you had it in you!" Kiba said, obviously amazed at how discreet his female teammate looked but more experienced in that field in which he knows nothing about, "No wonder you had hickeys the other day!"

"Eep, no, I-I... I-"

Shino looked at Hinata, eye-ing her suspiciously, "Hinata."

All of them froze this time. Shino Aburame is… joining their conversation?

"Do you not know that it's taboo to have incest?"

"What?"

"Last time, Mary Lou and Jonas wanted to mate but they were third degree cousins so I forbid them."

"Who the hell is Mary Lou? And Jonas?" Kiba demanded brusquely.

"Mary Lou is the daughter of Anna Marie and Howard, who was the brother of Jonas' uncle-in-law who got married with Sally who was the first cousin of Luisa, the sister of the uncle of Anna Marie and is Mary Lou's first cousin."

"Who???" Kiba screamed for the millionth time.

Hinata and Kurenai nodded, supporting Kiba's who-ing.

"My bugs."

Kurenai Yuuhi looked at her strong yet indifferent student with a blank stare while Hinata sighed and the dog-ninja just slapped his forehead. Yes, Shino names all of his bugs. One by one. Memorized by heart. Their likes and dislikes, hobbies and favorite foods. Yeah. Like a slum book.

Not a very hard thing to do, right?

"So you compare _Hinata_ to your bugs. Way to go Shino," The brown haired ninja said sarcastically, "treating her like a _bitch_."

"And now _you_ are the one comparing her to your _dogs_."

"I do _not_!"

Kurenai wondered how Kakashi managed to get these things through his students. And with _Naruto Uzumaki_! That had to be very unbelievable. And so Kurenai wanted to finish this off quickly because really, a dangerous mission was way better than this.

"Okay kids, seriously, this time! Ah, so when the boy's…uhh… _thin_' gets-"

"Just say _dick_ already!" That was Kiba.

"Yes… well, when it gets in the girl, the girl gets pregnant and that is called sex. The end. I got to go, take care, no more bad mouthing, Kiba. Bye-"

"No!" three different voices screeched, halting the genjutsu-master from her attempt to leave.

She raised a quivering eyebrow, "Yes?"

"Sensei, what is _foreplay_?" Kiba demanded. Where he got that word was when he heard his older sister rant about her boyfriend, who was lacking of it.

"Sensei, what is_ climax_?" Shino added. Where he got that word, too, was when he heard Naruto and Sasuke arguing whether who got their climax first, Shino does not understand what that is and why was it such a bother to argue who had the first one or such.

"Ku-Kurenai-sensei, what's _o-orgas-m_?" Of course, no doubt, that was Hinata. Where she got hers, once more, was when she accidentally eavesdropped on Neji and Hanabi's little fights and her younger sister saying, "You are not even a man, Neji! You do not even get _orgasms_ even if you are rubbed everywhere!" She knew not that word.

"W-Were did…" And the teacher saw eager eyes.

Sigh, this is a looong way to go. She'll kill Kakashi later.

_Finite_


	3. I already know that, sensei!

**Case**: Okay, so I just wanted to see how Shikamaru would take Sex Education. Really. This was done while my puppy, Tim, gallops around me and…Oh god! My mom looks weird running after Tim! O_O;;

**DISCLAIMER**: I am just a poor little kid.

**Title**: I already know that, sensei!

**Chapter**: Three

**Rating**: T

"**Team Asuma: I already know that, sensei!"**

Asuma looked at his students, from left to right, from the boy, to the girl, to the boy, from Chouji, Ino and Shikamaru with his apathetic eyes. He puffed a smoke from his cigar and said nothing, leaning on the chair where he sat inside a restaurant found somewhere in Konoha.

A normal day for team Asuma but they have a very _abnormal_ topic to discuss. Well, Asuma doesn't give a damn about sex education and whatever things related to it. Really, if Kurenai and Kakashi had not _forced _the thing up to him, he wouldn't be doing it. Of course, he could not turn down that beauty of a lady, Kurenai Yuuhi. Ah. No. Got to impress her.

Kurenai told Asuma that he might discover things about his team that he never knew existed in them. Especially in their _minds_. He, then, said that he does not want to, no matter what those things that he might learn about them but when he heard about Hinata's _soon marriage _to her own stoic cousin, he stopped and thought about Shikamaru. Hmmm, who knows if he has libido or not? Maybe Shikamaru doesn't even have sexual urges. And Chouji! To think he'd be most interested in food than sex. Ino? Yamanaka Ino? Sasuke Uciha was surely on her top list, poor boy. He snickered at the thought.

But still, Asuma doesn't know how to explain things he should explain about sex. Or should _not_. Good ol' Kakashi. He, of course, helps a friend in need. Especially at this _kind_ of things. He gave pointers for review. What a pal.

So, Asuma, once again, puffed a smoke through the air before speaking out of the corner of his mouth, "Team 10, I _need_ to educate you about sex."

There was no response from his students.

"I said I need to educate you about sex!"

Still no answer.

"I said-" Asuma, the strong and fierce, started to shout, "I need to-"

"Awww, give us a break." That was Ino, cutting off her teacher's sentence, giving an uncaring flip of her hair. Really, her Asuma-sensei can get too annoying. They were 16, dammit, they already know what they _ought_ to know!

"What?"

"I already know what sex is." Another reply from Ino who was now concentrating on her new hair polish. Yellow. Nice. Matches her hair.

"You do?"

"Ah-huh."

"How?"

"Asuma-sensei, what do you think of us? Little _kids_? Ugh. Even Shikamaru knows those _things_!" Roll of the eyes.

"What?"

"Tell him, Shikamaru," And she gave her lazy teammate a nudge. Chouji just kept on eating like what he was doing so in the first place.

"Sex is troublesome." Ah, as always.

"What?"

"Asuma-sensei. Shikamaru had been going out with that Sand Ninja. What do you expect them to do? Stare at each other and all?"

Chouji's statement cut off Asuma's thoughts which was already blank.

Well, Chouji's been Shikamaru's best friend ever since. The shadow ninja couldn't keep secrets from Chouji and Kiba and _even _Naruto. No, never (because they actually force him to tell everything, anyway, what choice does he have? Too troublesome to argue with them.).

And could Chouji spill the beans, man!

"You mean-" Asuma was flabbergasted, his cigar fell down with a _plop _as his jaw hanged.

"Chouji!" Ino snapped at the munching ninja who she calls a teammate, "How could you just say that Temari and Shikamaru had sex… _have_ sex… so bluntly?"

"I did not actually…"

"You told Asuma-sensei!"

"Uh…" Asuma interjected quietly. He himself was not that experienced in the art of love making but how could his students be so… so… _advanced_? Holy shit, man.

"I don't really care," Shikamaru sighed, scratching the back of his hair, eyes half opened lazily, "As long as Temari doesn't know that I _enjoy _it or else she'd dominate me my whole frigging life."

"Oh, you mean you allow her on _top_?" Ino's attention diverted from Chouji to Shikamaru. Asuma did the same.

"Yeah." Shikamaru drawled.

"Really? Oh, also, I heard she's a _bi_, by the way!"

"Oh, do bi people cook good food?"

"I don't know, Chouji _but if so_, then Temari does!"

"No, she's not a bisexual, trust me."

"Really? I heard that when a person has sex with girls, they could feel their orientations. That true? Means you can identify a person who's hetero from a bi or what through sex?"

"I dunno, 'cos I only do _it_ with her. Who knows about other girls?"

"Hey..." Ino nodded, "You got a point!"

"I'm hungry."

"Aren't you ever, Chouji?" Ino snapped for the second time, "Now, Shikamaru, tell me…"

And as they talked and talked about their healthy sex life, rather, _Shikamaru's_ sex life, Asuma felt that he was being old already. Young people these days are just plain different. To think that he was in his late twenties and does not know much about sex if it wasn't thanks to Kakashi who gave him a lecture that was so out of this world.

He gave up. He threw his head back on his chair while the three continued, becoming oblivious of him. So much for sex education!

And, oh yes, he caught heard of it in Team 10's conversation, Shikamaru Nara _does_ have libido.

Not that obvious, though.

_Finite_


	4. I want sex, please!

**Case:** Finally. A sequel. Enough said. I like Gaara. And Temari. And Kankuro... every one of them. So... muahahah! I can't help it!

**Disclaimer:** None do I own. I wish.

**Title:** Team Suna: I want sex, please!

**Chapter:** Four

**Rating:** T?

"**Team Suna: I want sex, please!"**

Baki stood up abruptly from his office chair and glanced at the paper which a pigeon, a messenger one, dropped off in front of his office window that morning. It was from Konoha. Why he was clutching it then with a red tint of what we might call flushing of face was to be known _now_.

"Temari!"

With a count of one, two, three, the screamed girl with yellow pigtails came into view, smashing their teacher's office door's open and wrecking it in the process. She glanced around as if suspecting something bad... or someone... was in the premises of the room. She looked at the one who called her. Baki had his hand over his mouth and eyes squinted. He was blushing. For Christ's sake, he was _blushing_. Temari stood in disbelief. What the hell...

"Baki....Baki-sensei..."

"From Konoha." Baki strode off to Temari and quickly shoved the piece of paper into her trembling hands. She gave a confused look.

"K-Konoha?" she gulped. Did something happen? Why is he blushing? Someone got killed in an embarrassing way? Or something...?

"I leave this up to you." And with that, the older man whisked away to escape. Escape from what?

And then after that a petrified (or an embarrassed?) scream could be heard all over the desserts of Sand Village.

"Uh... Okay so, well, it says that it is a _must _in our Ninja school curriculum... and... uh..." Temari looked away shamefully. She was standing in front of her brother. Her younger brother which happened to be the Kazekage of the Sands was sitting silently, if not sulking, in his Kazekage robes on his Kazekage chair and in his Kazekage room.

"The hell with that, Temari!" Kankuro groaned as he lazily slumped at a chair found somewhere in his younger brother's office. He was in the middle of polishing his finger nails just a while ago but was whisked away from continuing by Temari who came dashing past him.

Gaara silently took the paper which was first passed from Baki to Temari and now to him on just that day. He read in utter silence. Kankuro looked at him and Temari just... just stood. Dammit. To be a girl in a family of _boys_... sigh.

The two more normal than the redhead waited for a response. And what they heard almost killed them. Literally speaking.

"Okay."

"WHAT?" the two cried in unison. Temari was shocked and Kankuro's reaction was just the same. Then Kankuro looked at Temari and asked, "What is okay?" He realized he did not know what their topic is.

"Shuddap." Temari snapped. Then glanced at Gaara, "You mean you will agree the implementation of S...s...shee...ks.... Education???"

Kankuro spat, "What? _Sheesh_ Education?" he stood up and went over his brother's shoulders to peek... "Now... a class called _Sheesh_ is kind of racy I like it... I mean, I use the word _sheesh_ a lot so maybe this class... t-tells... Is that SEX?"

Gaara looked apathetically at his older sibling. He was sputtering and he looked kind of ticked. He turned suddenly and headed for the door going out of the room, his intention was like their Baki-sensei's, and said over his back, "I forgot to fix something back... Ima go now-"

Before his left foot managed to step outside the door, he heard Gaara call his name. Monotonous. As always. He stopped in his tracks, left foot up in midair. He creaked slowly to look back at his caller.

"I do not know what this _sex_ is which makes you fluster but if you must... with Temari, teach me before this curriculum was admitted by myself to be out in our Ninja school." This would probably sound so _out of character_ regarding that _Gaara_ said this but... Ah, innocence is a bliss.

"Wh-whoah, whuuut?" Kankuro gaped like a dying fish.

"See, this memo came from Konoha and it says... well, since their students had taken up this s...s.... this education, they felt it would be just right to have every village in our country have it, too... If this came from Jiraiya..." Temari looked irkily, "I am so gonna kill him."

"What? I would not believe it if that Naruto idiot managed through a class like this-"

"In fact he did." Gaara cut of Kankuro. "And since he did... I want to have this first, too." He pointed at a roughly scribbled sentence at the bottom of it that says _Uzumaki Naruto managed to this class with an excellent A+ from Kakashi-sensei! _ "See?"

Kankuro gagged.

"Okay. So... uh... who will...?" Temari stuttered. Boy, was she in a stuttering mode today.

And two pairs of male eyes focused on her piercingly.

Before she knew it, she was sitting and was trying to force her words out for her two brothers, _younger bros_, for crying out loud, who were listening... well, trying to listen, that is, behind all her reddish protests of this being nonsense. She was naturally sputtering. This seemed unnatural for her two brothers. Kankuro who claimed not to care became quite intrigued on how this made his sister unreasonably awkward today.

"W-what... I mean is... well, you see sex is..." Temari tried racking her brain for the appropriate and not offensive words to say. She did not dare try to be blatant because, well, Gaara may be the Hokage and her little brother but still...

"Sheeesh," Kankuro muttered, "Just tell the kid-" there was a cold wasp of air. "- I mean, Gaara about it directly, I mean..."

"Well, you do it!"

"I am not the eldest sister here."

"But you are the elder brother to him!"

"But you know more about that stuff!" Kankuro countered, then, with a grin, he added, "Or have you forgotten about those thick paperbacks that has titles like-" and he was cut off by his sister's palm over his mouth to prevent him from telling more.

"Shut up, you nosy brat!" Temari hissed, "You were spying, weren't you? You were looking through my things!"

"What are those paper backs which you speak of?" Gaara inquired. His eyebrows... rather, the place where his eyebrows were supposed to be, went up. He was starting to be very curious. And a very curious Gaara is not that pleasant once his curiosity was not fulfilled.

"Ah, hahaha!" Temari forced a cackle, "N-nothing, you know, well, thick books about... well, _sweeping up things using my fan_, that kind of stuff..." and though it was not clear if Gaara did actually believe her, because Kankuro certainly thought that was very lame, he further asked no more. Phew for Temari.

"So... again with this Sex?"

"Oh hell with it!" Kankuro muttered irritably. The said boy looked at Gaara, got hold of his shoulders and turned him to face him.

"K-Kankuro, you better-"

There was a very evil, if not sadistic, glint on the tip of Kankuro's eyes.

"Sex is what every man in this universe craves for, baby brother." And with that, the two male siblings stared at each other without any word coming from their lips. The other human being in the room was totally brain damaged. So. Not. Cool.

If it was even possible, Temari could hear the drip of sweat from Kankuro's forehead and a random _tic tic tic_ which she suspected was coming from the Kazekage who was just trying to digest what his elder brother said. _Tic tic tic. Tic tic tic. Tic tic TIIIC..._

"For crying out loud, are you okay, Gaara?" Temari cried frustrated and impatient for any murderous intent which she was anticipating as Gaara suddenly had a realization-look on his face. Kankuro stifled an amused laugh. What would his little brother think... probably...?

"Am..."

This was from Gaara after a minute of pause and silence.

"What is it?" Temari pondered. Oh gosh, her poor innocent-well!-younger brother. She gave a glare to Kankuro. He'd probably die later, she swore.

Gaara looked down at his feet. Then, after _anothe_r minute of both pause and silence, he looked back, intensity in eyes and said, "Am I... craving for this, too?"

Everything was shattered. Then, Gaara repeated his self when no one of the two seemed to hear him. Or, was it that they pretended not to?

"Am I craving for Sex, too?"

Temari coughed hoarsely like there was a horse stuck in her throat. Kankuro choked out of laughter.

"G-Ga... Gaara, no, actually, what sex is... is like-"

"YES!" Kankuro interrupted. "See, brother dear..." the puppeteer purred, nearing his self to where the feared Kazekage was, "Sex is like _power_. _Strength_. _Money_. When you have all this yet no sex... hah! It would not work out!"

The blonde of the siblings had her mouth hanging wide open and it could probably reach the floor already if it would not be called exaggerating but her flabbergasted-ism was so totally overboard. What in hell's name was Kankuro telling Gaara? Gaara, of all people, not that he could easily do so, if it was not Gaara but Gaara! Uh-oh. Bad omen. Sooner or later, Gaara will find out that they-NO! Only _Kankuro_ was making up things to him. He'd kill, no doubt. No doubt. Seriously. GAH!

But then as life is weird sometimes, Temari's gaping mouth gaped even more, if it even could, because seemingly, Gaara seemed to believe. Good gods.

"Then..." The redhead decided slowly, "I want... I want Sex."

"AUGH! How can one want sex out of random-"

"Aha! My not so foolish little brother, yes!" Kankuro then transformed into a salesman who's trying to lure the poor, moneyless customer into his trap of goodies. He rubbed his hands together, brows going up and down like a wicked hyena. When the hell did Kankuro became so _out of character_?

The innocent Gaara seemed to have an interest in this and thus pondered on, "How can I acquire such?"

"Ah, sex, you mean?"

Gaara's annoyed silence made Kankuro tremble ever so slightly but nonetheless, continued the conversation.

"Sex... you know, it is not entirely a _thing_... a material-"

"Then how would I desire something I cannot get a grip of, this Sex thing?" was what Gaara said to interrupt. He was becoming hasty...

"Wait... I mean it's something _done_!" the purple-clad ninja explained quickly, not wanting to be on the bad side of the powerful one. No way. He was so having fun. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. This was way amusing.

This caught the Kazekage off-guard. He stopped to think about it before slowly, his eyes averting to look at his brother and now becoming educator (or probably corruptor?), saying, "I would _crave_ for something I need to _do_?" There was a hint of suspicion which was easily caught by Kankuro. How come he is so becoming good at this?

"You _crave_ to _do_ it, Kazekage."

The suspicious look became puzzled. He seemed to not understand. But he was trying for Gaara never showed weakness but how come this Sex thingy was becoming very complicated to understand. What more, to actually practice? He was thinking that he should manifest the idea's meaning quickly for this is soon to be out in the schools of his beloved Suna but he does not understand it himself? Unbearable!

"Kankuro...I...." Gaara was becoming cautious because though the man in front of him was his brother, he dare not show weakness. And for him, being stupid and dumb at such things might show him as weak. So. Not. Allowable. No way on sand! "I want to do Sex then." Sigh. If it meant for greatness, then by all means, he's going to do it!

This was becoming hilarious on Kankuro's side but Temari, who just became forgotten, made her existence obvious by saying, "Gaara! You cannot just... well, have... have... se... !"

"I fail to comprehend what you wish to imply, Temari."

"But..."

"Gaara," Kankuro said behind stifled guffaws, "You cannot just, like, _have sex_ anywhere, anytime, with anybody!"

"Nonsense!"

Kankuro choked and Temari fainted. When she did revive, she said, "What? What do you mean?"

"I am the Kazekage. I can do Sex whenever I want." He looked at the elder boy who filled his head with the real nonsense, "Tell me, what are the materials needed?"

Temari was defeated. She just cannot hold on anymore.

"Woman." Kankuro snickered. "Oh, rather, you need to have a girlfriend, you know?"

"I demand to have a girlfriend so I can do Sex (whatever that is that requires icky girls. Sigh.)."

"Hey, it's not that, easy..."

"What else?"

"Well-"

"What to do to do Sex?"

"You... Gaara, wait a minute, sex is actually...."

"Something I crave for. I already know that. Though I am clueless, I justly admit, why I need to have the presence of a girlfriend but... teach me _how_..."

Kankuro backed. What have he brought his self into?

_Finite_


End file.
